What to Do If You Suspect You’re Being Targeted by a Romance Scammer

The internet has dramatically changed the way we connect with others, making it easier than ever to meet people from all walks of life. Unfortunately, it has also opened the door for romance scammers—individuals who exploit emotions for personal gain. If you suspect that you’re being targeted by a romance scammer, it’s important to act swiftly and carefully to protect yourself. Here’s a step-by-step guide on what to do.

1. Trust Your Gut

Your gut feeling is often the first signal that something might be off. Romance scammers use tactics like excessive flattery, unrealistic professions, or stories of hardship to gain trust and sympathy. If anything feels rushed, too perfect, or inconsistent, take a step back and reassess the situation.

2. Stop Sharing Personal Information

If you suspect someone may not be genuine, stop sharing any further personal or financial information. Scammers can use small details like your address, birthdate, or workplace to exploit you.

3. Look for Red Flags

Here are some common signs that someone might be a scammer:

• Avoidance of Video Calls: They always have excuses for not appearing on a live video.

• Sob Stories and Emergencies: They ask for financial help due to sudden crises.

• Too Good to Be True: Their profile and communication seem overly polished or ideal.

• Requests for Payment: They ask for money through untraceable means like gift cards, cryptocurrency, or wire transfers.

4. Verify Their Identity

Before confronting the person, take steps to verify their identity:

• Reverse Image Search: Use tools like Google or TinEye to check if their profile picture is stolen from elsewhere. You can also search buildings or signs in the photo to confirm if the photo was taken where the person claimed it was.

• Check Their Details: Search for their name, email, or phone number online to verify what they have told you or if they’ve been linked to scams.

• Ask Detailed Questions: Genuine individuals can discuss their life and experiences in depth, while scammers often rely on vague or scripted answers.

  
  

5. Cease Communication

If you’ve gathered enough evidence to believe they are a scammer, stop all communication immediately. Do not confront them directly, as they may try to manipulate or guilt-trip you into continuing the relationship.

6. Secure Your Accounts

If you’ve shared any login information or suspect they have access to your devices, take steps to secure your accounts:

• Change passwords on all platforms where you’ve communicated with them.

• Enable two-factor authentication for added security.

• Monitor your bank accounts and credit reports for suspicious activity.

• Report the fraud to credit bureaus. In Canada, these are Equifax and TransUnion.

  
  

7. Report the Romance Scammer

Reporting a romance scammer helps protect others and may aid in recovering any lost funds. Here’s how to report them:

• To the Platform: Report their profile on the dating site or social media platform where you connected.

• To Law Enforcement: File a report with your local police and any relevant cybercrime unit.

• To National Agencies: In Canada, you can report to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre at 1-888-495-8501 or their online fraud reporting system. Many countries have similar organizations.

8. Beware of Being Scammed Again

You may be targetted for future scams in several different ways.

• Blackmail or Extortion: The original scammer may try to intimidate you into sending funds by threatening to expose the scam to friends, family or your workplace. They may also attempt to blackmail you by threatening to release sexual photos or videos. Do not send them any money—being honest with your friends and family can diffuse this threat.

• Recovery Scam: Be aware of unknown contacts offering to help you track down your scammer or recover your funds. These individuals will string you along, asking you to pay their expenses without actually doing any work.

• Different Scam: Your contact information may be sold or used for different types of scams. Scams could include an investment scam promising incredible returns on your money, a consumer scam offering deals on products or services well below market price, or donation scams asking for contributions to fictional charities. Furthermore, some victims have subsequently fallen for another romance scam as a "potential partner" uses the victim's trauma and loneliness as a way to build a bond.

9. Warn Others

Scammers often target multiple people simultaneously. If you’ve encountered a scammer, consider sharing your experience on forums or with online communities to alert others.

10. Seek Emotional Support

Falling victim to a scam can be emotionally devastating. If you feel embarrassed or betrayed, know that you’re not alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or support groups for help. Many people have gone through similar experiences and can offer guidance and understanding. Or reach out to a therapist who is educated in romance fraud for support.

11. Educate Yourself

Protect yourself from future scams by staying informed about common tactics. Regularly review resources provided by organizations like the RCMP, local law enforcement, or consumer advocacy groups.

Final Thoughts

Discovering that you may be a target of a romance scam can be distressing, but taking proactive steps can minimize the damage and prevent the scammer from succeeding. By staying vigilant, reporting suspicious activity, and leaning on your support network, you can protect yourself and others from falling victim to these deceptive schemes.

Remember: True relationships are built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect—not secrecy, urgency, or financial demands.

References

Carter, E. (2021). Distort, extort, deceive and exploit: Exploring the inner workings of a romance fraud. British Journal of Criminology, 61(2), 283–302. https://doi.org/10.1093/bjc/azaa072

Cross, C., Richards, K., & Smith, R. G. (2016). The reporting experiences and support needs of victims of online fraud. Trends & Issues in Crime and Criminal Justice, 518. https://www.aic.gov.au/publications/tandi/tandi518#:~:text=Sleeplessness%20or%20

insomnia%2C%20in%20particular,attempt%20to%20gain%20their%20compliance.

Government of Canada. (2022). How to report fraud and scams in Canada.

https://ised-isde.canada.ca/site/competition-bureau-canada/en/fraud-and-scams/tips-and- advice/how-report-fraud-and-scams-canada

Whitty, M. T. (2013). The scammers persuasive techniques model: Development of a stage model to explain the online dating romance scam. British Journal of Criminology, 53(4). https://doi.org/10.1093/bjc/azt009

Whitty, M. T. (2015). Anatomy of the online dating romance scam. Security Journal, 28(4), 443–455. https://doi.org/10.1057/sj.2012.57